Could I be a Southerner?

Roxanne recently asked:

" Are you SURE you're not from the South?"

When I read Roxanne's question, I had to laugh. Over the course of my blogging career I've been asked that several times and  I'm not really sure why. In this latest instance it was because Roxanne noted my love for homemade biscuits. Last night I counted up and it turns out that most of the bloggers I follow are from the south, so there must be some  draw to the South for me.

But just for the sake of some fun, I'll give you some reasons why I like the south. Bear with me, as one that has never lived in the south I'm basing a lot of this on my perception of the south. Which might be totally off base.

• I absolutely love homemade biscuits, banana cream pie, cornbread and coconut cake. And fried stuff and greens.

• I love the country life (yes, I understand "the south" is not all rural:) and the slower pace of life.

• I have pretty conservative values. Up here in Michigan (at least in my part of the state)-- that's fairly unusual. Even though we have many churches here, most of them are the kind that like the idea of the bible, but don't want actually do anything it says.  Isn't the south referred to as the Bible Belt? There's probably a greater percentage of the general population that  believes there is a God and that He gets to make up the rules. What a novel idea!

• I LOVE the accents -- all of them. According to southerners I sound all whiny and nasally and pronounce Mom as Maaaam. Great. My accent would make me stick out like a sore thumb.  One of my brothers has lived in Texas for the last 30 years and I really love his voice.  He sounds just like Dr. Phil does and you could see him saying "And how's that workin for ya?"

• The longer growing season. Up here it is inconceivable to have 2 or 3 growing seasons. We try real hard to plant stuff early enough in our one 3 month season so that it has time to ripen before frost. 

• Little or no snow.  We are in full fledged autumn now and it goes fast. Snow (or at least really cold whether ) will be here before we know it.

• I really enjoy Southern Living magazine. Last year I excitedly subscribed to Midwest Living thinking it would be just like Southern Living -- only for my neck of the woods. I was very sad when the first issue arrived full of promise only to disappoint because it was one giant advertisement masquerading as a magazine.

• The people. Over the years I've had the pleasure of talking with many southerners in person and on the phone. When I worked at the grocery store, there were a lot customers that came up here to work in the GM plants. They were always the friendliest sort. In my current job I often speak with folks from the south and even though they are usually calling about a problem and are often very frustrated, they are still the most gracious people, everyone in my group thinks so. I think this is one of the reasons I enjoy reading the blogs of southern women so much -- they are just so warm and friendly!

• The roads. I live in the land of let's see how bad we can let the roads get before people start killing off the politicians. Seriously.  Last year, the county attempted to fill the cracks in  the main highway near our home with sawdust. Again, not kidding. Two years ago when I went down to Gulf Shores to visit my in-laws my nose was stuck to the back window as I kept admiring mile after mile of un-potholed roads.

• Prison work crews.  When I was a little kid the main town near us, where we went to do all of our "big shopping" at the Wards catalog store and Kmart was a prison town. It was also the cleanest town you ever saw. They had prison and jail work crews out there cleaning everything and planting flowers.  Now-a-days they don't do this very often. The reason for this is because almost all of the county, local and state employees that are charged with doing clean up work are unionized here and they don't want prisoners doing the work for free. Something about putting a union worker out of a job.  You would think this would mean we would still have beautiful roadsides and public areas. We don't because it costs too much to have a union worker to do it. 

I'm not sure if they have prisoners doing this type of work throughout the south, but I saw a lot of it in Alabama. Plus I'm a big believer in having them do something for the public good instead of lying around watching television.

• The title Miss. Remember the matriarch from Dallas -- Miss Ellie? A dear lady that was my boss years ago lived in the south for many years. She shared how the Miss title is used down south and I think it's the greatest thing. We don't have anything like that here. We use the formal Mrs/Ms or the first name. It would be great to have something in between.

• One of my favorite Southern sayings is "bless her heart".  Apparently you can say just about anything about somebody and then follow it up with a bless her heart and it comes across as a compliment. I am ALL FOR such a sweet way of telling someone they are a complete idiot. It makes me feel less mean.  It works especially good up here, where most people don't know what it's code for. Are there any more special sayings like this?

Now, for some more laughs. Here's why you could never mistake me for a Southerner.

• I can't stand sweet tea, the cornbread I love must be sweetened --a lot. I can't stand mustard or collared greens and do not believe in flavoring any vegetable side dish with any part of a smoked hog. And, I detest okra in any form -- even fried. And catfish. Soda is pop to me.

• I think 90 degrees is too hot to do much of anything. On the rare occasions when it reaches 95, I start wondering if hell is about the same level of hotness.

• The incredibility large bugs, spiders and what not and those flying cockroaches people down there like to affectionately rename Palmetto Bugs. We like to rename stuff so it sounds less offensive too, but everybody knows what it really is.

• I love the accents but sometimes have a hard time adjusting to the slowness of the speech. Up here we talk really fast. All of us; well you could probably exclude those with a stuttering problem. There have been many times I've wanted to reach right through the phone and shake the living daylights out someone to make them talk faster. To give you an idea of what it feels like, imagine you are on a 70 mile per hour freeway, and someone in a combine gets on in front of you and you can't pass. You go from 70 down to 8. Ever notice how there aren't many southerners on those tv news shows where all they do is yell at each other? That's because the people that make these shows know that most southerners can't speak fast enough even when they are mad to make for a good fight.

• Kindergarten graduations.  Apparently this is a VERY big deal and I sure hope I'm not going to offend any of you sweet southern readers. But, most of us Northerners (except those super doting parents that celebrate every. single. thing. their kid does) are thinking Come on, what is the big deal... so your kid made it through their first grueling year of eating paste and learning not to pick their nose in public?! Let's have a big party?! 

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the northern/southern culture. Share away!